i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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