I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
