I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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