Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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