it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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