i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
