It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
