OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
