Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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