he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
