one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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