i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
