I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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