But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
