my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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