If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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