I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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