I checked into jail on foursquare
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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