i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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