Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Less talking, more tequila
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want nice things and good sex
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
