he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
