I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
