I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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