big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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