I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
