He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
