Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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