I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
