i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
