I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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