So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
