Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
