Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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