Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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