he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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