The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
