Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
