Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
