it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
