barbara walters just said penis...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
