I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
