did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
