whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize