No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
