to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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