Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
