Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
