i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
