I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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