so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
