fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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