there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
worst night to have a conscience
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
