In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
