If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
