Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just invented taco cereal.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
