The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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