Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
