Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize