i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
