you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
farters have to be the big spoon...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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