I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
