And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
